Journalings from August 2022

August 6, 2022

I try to read my Jesus Calling Devotionals in the morning but some days it doesn’t happen until the evening. Today was one of those days. I sat down at 11pm and wondered what it would have for me today, hoping for some solid Biblical perspective after a trying day. I feel like so much use been going wrong lately and the first line I read was, “when things seem to be going all wrong,” and I just had to laugh. God gets us. He knows the human condition so it’s not hard for Him to know what our finite minds may be thinking and what we may be going through.

This week I felt like we were seeing the end of our house build. But then we got some unfortunate news from an inspector on Friday about our fire place not being inspected when it was put in back in December. We had sent them detailed photos of it being installed (luckily Levi takes a lot of pictures during the build) but they said it wasn’t enough and want to rip a wall out to look at it. Apparently some fireplace code/inspection requirement changed in January of 2022. Ours was out in in December of 2021 but it was never inspected. So I’m praying that whatever they need is due to the new requirement and hoping that we won’t need it because it was put in before that. But honestly, with the way things have been going (all wrong) I doubt we’ll get that lucky. Ya, I’m feeling a bit pessimistic but hopefully by the end of my reflection I will be feeling less so!

Then our brand new microwave (which serves as our range over our gas stove) decided to not work when the inspector came to let us know what was needed for us to get occupancy. It was working no problem until the day they came. And we can’t get occupancy if it doesn’t work. So to say it feels like everything is going wrong is accurate.

Even with parenting I feel like I fail more than I succeed. I had a great day with the girls at a race this morning but come the afternoon and evening I felt like I was just putting out one fire after another and not doing it well. I sent the kids to bed without reading to them (which I always do) because I was just too spent and their constant fighting and arguing proved too much for me. I have a very strong willed child and I pray daily that the seeds we are planting will take root and grow someday otherwise come the teenage years we’re screwed!

So in the midst of all this what am I to do? Bring it to God. Read the Bible. Pray. It sounds so simple but it is true.

“Calmly bring these matters to Me, and leave them in My capable hands.”

God is capable of handling all of this. He has been capable since the beginning of our human existence. Whenever I am feeling like everything is going wrong reading the Bible can quickly put things in perspective. Look at the stories of Job, Joseph, and King David (before he was King). They went through more than I can imagine and still held firm to their faith in God.

So I can see that God is capable, but am I capable of leaving it in His hands and trusting that He has my best interest at heart? The letting go thing and not dwelling on the problem is definitely difficult for me to do. Same with not feeling guilty when I “fail” as a parent and think I’ve screwed my kids up for life. But when I do let go, it’s amazing how much freer I feel. Free from my worries and troubles. I may have to take it one day at a time or one hour at a time, but no matter the baby steps needed to get there, it is good practice to give our worries to God because He cares for us.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I know I say this a lot but just because the problems don’t disappear doesn’t mean you can’t live a life of peace and thanksgiving. Peace that whatever life throws at you, you can handle it because you belong to the One who conquered the grave. Not even death has power over our God.

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer’s; He makes me tread on my high places.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19)

 

August 8, 2022

Having a heart of thankfulness and gratitude takes practice. I feel like these last couple years for me have really tested my ability to be thankful in all circumstances.

When I had children, I was told sleep begets sleep. When my kids were having sleep issues, oftentimes they just needed more sleep. I feel it is the same way with thankfulness. The more we are thankful the more thankful we will feel. But the same is true when you are stuck in negativity. If all you can see is what is going wrong in your life, you will continue to see more that is going wrong.

You may have heard the parable about hearing God’s Word and building your life on it being like building your house on rock instead of sand. That no matter what storms come, your house stands strong. It is the same with building your lives around a heart of thankfulness. When the storms of life come that try to bring you down, you will not fall because you have a firm foundation. I have met people like this and am always in admiration of their joyful spirit even in the most trying times. If you have met people like this you may have wondered how they can have so much hope when things look so hopeless? That’s because they didn’t cultivate this spirit when the hard times hit, but before they ever hit. They built their lives on this foundation so when the hard times hit they were able to withstand. If you don’t work on this during the easy times it will be very difficult to implement when the hard times hit.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.” (Matthew 7:24-25)

So while a lot of things have not been going “right” (in my opinion) in my life (pandemic political issues, our house build, etc) there are so many things to be thankful for if I open my heart to see them.

I headed out for a run this morning and put on headphones to listen to music. But as I started, I looked at the sky and saw the sun beams breaking through the clouds. We had gotten a small amount of rain this morning, which felt so nice after 100+ degree weather. Everything felt fresh and new. The sun rays looked glorious and straight from heaven. I turned my music off and for the next 3 miles prayed for people in my life and offered prayers of thanksgiving to God.

I finished my run feeling grateful, full of hope, and strength. In that run, God renewed my spirit. I know I’m not going to always get it right. I know there will be days when I’m down, when I’m feeling negative, and focusing on all that is going wrong instead of seeing all the good that God is doing in the storms. I won’t just wake up one day and have everything nailed down. Life is a journey. Until the day I die I am a work in progress and I am thankful for the One leading me on this journey.

“Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise!” (Psalm 95:2)

 

August 17, 2022

We moved in to our house almost a month ago on August 19th. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least! About a month ago I read this Jesus Calling Devotional and made a note to come back to it to reflect my thoughts…Well here I am a month later reflecting!

The Devotional talks about finding God in the midst of the maelstrom. This last month was a moving maelstrom. I was staying up extremely late trying to get things unpacked and organized all while school, sports, and other events started up again for the year. I was left utterly exhausted by the end of the night only to repeat again the next day.

I was not following this advice and I could feel it in my soul. My head would hit the pillow and I would fall asleep a thought into my evening prayer.

Even though I wasn’t being as intentional with my time with God it is reassuring to know that He was there and is there through all of it.

As I became more aware of my lacking in the “spiritual” department, I became more intentional to make sure I spent time with the Lord each day. And interestingly enough, the more I did that, the less stressed and overwhelmed I began to feel.

Even if it was a quick acknowledgment to God, it helped settle my mind and ground me in my day.

Sure, things are busy right now but I’m also feeling more stable again by looking at things with a heavenly perspective. I can look to the day ahead and see what is scheduled and prepare accordingly all while being flexible in knowing I cannot control every aspect. If the day goes off the rails it doesn’t help to waste energy on wishing for different circumstances. Instead, it is best to focus on God and trust in Him to carry you through. No matter what the day may bring nothing can separate you from God’s love.

“May the Lord give strength to his people! May the Lord bless his people with peace!” (Psalm 29:11)

Thank you Lord for giving me strength! Thank you Lord for your blessings of peace!

 

August 18, 2022

Night musings on a Jesus Calling devotional entry

Difficulties in life are a given. Yet we try so hard to avoid them at all costs. It’s normal to not want to go through trials, but so often we are refined by the fires.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” (James 1:2-3)

When your life is sailing along smoothly and everything is easy, it masks your need for God. Having everything go your way can make you start to think it is due to your own accord, your good works, or even just your work ethic. It’s easy to forget who is responsible for all these things during times of peace.

But the moment trials come our way, how easy is it to remember God? For those to cry out or some to even curse Him.

When we endure hard situations it forces us to realize how little control we have in this life and how in the blink of an eye, everything we hold dear can be taken from us. In the blink of an eye our easy going life can be turned upside down.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

(John 16:33)

So don’t alter your life and beliefs with the goal of avoiding difficulties, hardships, and confrontations. Be ready for them! Be ready for your lack of ability to control any of it.

What makes you ready? Christ. He equips you with all that you need to face any trial, and all that we need is trust in Him. Trust in Him to be big enough to handle everything and trust in Him to be discerning enough to know when a quick fix is not the answer.

So often we get angry when God doesn’t fix our problems and take away our difficulties but often it’s in looking back that we can see the big picture. We see we had to go through the valley to reach the mountaintop.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

 

August 22, 2022

When trials come, I usually do not view them as opportunities. Instead, I view them as hindrances, things I want to be over with as soon as possible. No one wants to endure trials, but they can serve as great opportunities to work on our trust in God.

We live in a world that grows darker and darker by the day. There is more and more evil in the world with each passing minute, and as the Bible says it will only continue to get worse until Christ’s return.

It is a given we will face trials.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

But we do not have to despair, lose hope, or fear in the midst of them. In Christ we find strength. In Him we are secure. In Him we do not need to fear. The Devil feeds on our fear. He loves using it to drive us away from the loving arms of Christ. Which is why it is so important to be prepared spiritually for these trials. Trials the Devil will use to make you doubt the love of God, doubt your worth, doubt your security in Him.

When you face trials and feel afraid turn your focus back to God. Even if you don’t feel it in the moment, verbalize your trust in Him. Pray to Him. Tell Him your fears and trust Him to carry you through. Continue to affirm your trust in Him, and the fear will begin to melt away as you push away darkness and embrace His light. The trials may endure but you can rest assured that you belong to Him and nothing can separate you from His love.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

No matter what trials you endure remember where your hope is found. You belong to Christ. You were bought with a price. And because of this you are considered holy and blameless before Him.

“He has now reconciled in His body of flesh by His death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him.” (Colossians 1:22)

Ignore the lies the enemy whispers to you for he feeds on your hurt.

“…He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44)

Focus on the One who speaks truth. The one who can cast away all doubt. In Him there is nothing to fear.

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4)

When you feel afraid, keep your eyes Heaven word and declare your trust in Him.

“The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him.” (Exodus 15:2)

 

August 26, 2022

Trust. It’s such an easy concept but can be so hard to do. Trust can come easy when things are going well. You trust that it will continue going that way. But things can quickly unravel when situations don’t go as planned.

When you’re in the midst of a difficult season it can be hard to trust that you will get through it. It can be hard to trust that good can come of it. It can be hard to trust that it is in God’s hands. It can be hard to trust that He notices you at all.

As a believer, your inner most being is grounded in Christ due to your faith. No matter what is going on in the world around you, your salvation is secure and that gives you hope, and as a result, trust in the One who gave this to you.

“Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!” (Psalm 105:4)

When you start to feel overwhelmed and stressed do your best to detach yourself from what is going on around you and ground yourself in His peace. The world could be in chaos and that cannot disturb God’s peace. He has overcome everything we could face on earth. Keep your perspective Heaven focused and trust that God will carry you through the storm. You have nothing to fear when you are in His hands.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

 

August 29, 2022

Lately I feel that no matter what I do I just can’t “catch up.” I didn’t used to feel like this but as my kids have gotten older and less reliant on me for everything, I’m somehow finding even less time to get things done. I figured once my kids were in school (2/3 of them are) that would free up so much more time to get things done. But I was wrong. Between getting them ready for school and out the door to catch the bus, which we come near to missing pretty much daily, getting them to different sports, Mops, Bible studies, different seasonal events, trying to get a workout in, etc etc etc. my days are pretty full.

Whatever phase I’m in I seem to fall into the trap of thinking things will get “easier” when…and fill in the blank. When we were building our house I constantly told myself once we got it built then…and then when it was finished I said once we got everything unpacked then (things are still not unpacked)…or once we get the grass in then…once this sport is over then…

So now I’m here to be honest with myself. Things don’t just magically get easier. As my children grow, these seasons of life don’t get “easier” they just become different. What was hard in one season (infancy and the sleepless nights, toddler potty training, etc) may not be something you are dealing with in the next stage of life but with the next stage comes new challenges (peer pressure, crushes, sports, etc). In order to make margin in my life for the things that truly matter and to stop from feeling like I am drowning takes intentionality.

There will always be things vying for our time, texts, social media notifications, unread emails, business sales, a new magazine or book, housework, the list goes on and on. We need to be intentional with how we spend our time and where we are spending the bulk of it.

Most of the things I am busy with are “good” things. But even good things can become bad if they begin to separate you from being close to God. I think the Devil is tricky like that. He takes things that are “good” and turns them into things that vie for God’s attention.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4:8)

I can’t tell you how many nights before bed I realize I haven’t read my Devotional or Bible so I do it late at night, usually by flash light so I don’t wake Levi, when I am exhausted and barely able to stay awake. In this situation, though my heart is in the right place, I am not giving God my “firsts” but merely my leftovers, my lasts. And then I wonder why my life feels out of balance?

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” (Proverbs 16:3)

We need to carve out margin in our lives for God. To pray, to sit quietly in His presence. Don’t wait until everything is “done” or you will never have the time to do it. Set everything aside, including your worries, and choose to be with God, to make your sole focus on Him. In these moments, God will refresh you and give you the strength you need to get through your day.

Have you ever noticed that the things the world offers drain us of energy but the things God offers fill us up? The world offers us busywork and yet when we are in Christ, His work doesn’t feel like work at all.

The Lord offers true restoration to our souls. Nothing in the world can offer that. And with that I want to leave you with my favorite Psalm to reflect on.

Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”