Journalings From July 2022

July 9, 2022

After a bit of a break down day for me yesterday, today’s Jesus Calling devotional was very relevant and reassuring for me.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was just more disappointing news regarding our house build that will make it even harder for us to get occupancy before our mortgage loan rate lock expires.

I was feeling so angry and so sad at the same time. I decided to go for a short run. Getting out in the farm lands and open sky usually helps. I stopped at a mile on a bridge over a creek and just let the tears fall. It may seem silly to cry over building a house but I know it wasn’t just that. It was so many things. So many stresses I’ve been feeling and bottling up inside. Like parenting a strong willed child, uncertainty with the future, being a single income family in these awful economic times, feeling unprepared for what the future may bring, I just have been feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and I let it all out yesterday. I cried on the bridge as I listened to the water. I felt the wind on my face as I look up towards heaven. I knew God was there I could feel Him but I just felt like I couldn’t get out of feeling so defeated. I ran home and sat on my stairs and cried some more.

Then I did what I always do when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I called my Dad and let it all out for 30 minutes. As I said all my feelings out loud and listened to his wisdom things started to not seem so overwhelming. I could take it a day at a time. It was ok to feel upset about a house build going wrong but it also was just that, a house. I still had my family, my health, a loving husband, three awesome little girls, and no matter what life throws at me I know where my hope is found and it is not in earthly things.

I went to bed and woke up feeling a little more optimistic. Things still bothered me, but I think letting it all out yesterday was somehow cathartic for me.

One thing my Dad told me to do during times when I feel so overwhelmed, is just to say the name “Jesus.” That’s all. Sometimes our emotions can take over and our thoughts can spiral out of control but calling on the name of Jesus can bring you back to center. You don’t need to say an eloquent prayer for Him to know what you need. Sometimes all it takes is calling on His name in a moment of stress to feel His hand lifting you up.

“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

“Loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days...” (Deuteronomy 30:20)

And that is just what today’s devotional is telling us to do, to stop worrying long enough to hear His voice. We cannot hear Him when our minds and hearts are full of anxiety, stress, and worry. When we are spiraling and letting the worldly stressors overshadow His goodness. We need to take charge of the noise and not let it defeat us. Whether it is noise from the world (news, negative influences, etc) or our own inner thoughts. The way to stop the noise is to call on the Spirit to help you quiet your own thoughts and be in line with His. In doing so you will reprogram your thoughts to being in line with God and the noise of the world will grow quiet.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)  

July 11, 2022

Today’s Jesus Calling devotional was a great reminder for me to take stock of my life and see if there are any idols competing for the number one spot in my life.

When thinking of idols you may think of carved images that people worshipped in biblical times. It may seem like that is a very easy commandment to keep. Except today’s idols are more subtle, as they often come in forms outside of religion. There are numerous idols out there vying for the number one spot in your life.

You may not bow down to a statue of Baal but that doesn’t mean you don’t have idols in your life. Maybe it’s attaining wealth, addictions-and not just drugs but addictions to food, watching television, your phone, the desire to accumulate possessions, status, or advancing your career. Even good things like family, relationships, and service can become idols if you put them ahead of your relationship with God.

These false gods will never leave you feel satisfied. They will always leave you wanting more, more money, a bigger house, better career, fitter body, and the list goes on and on.

But when you put God first and seek Him above all things you will be satisfied. You will have joy and peace.

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” (Isaiah 55:12)

July 14, 2021

Amen, amen, amen! This devotional from Jesus Calling I read today, felt like it was speaking right to me. But I know that these feelings of being on an arduous journey and feeling weak are not unique to me. Since we live in a broken world it is merely a part of the human condition. We are weak creatures. And we are not designed to do this world alone. The word “together” really stood out to me as it gave me comfort in knowing that no matter what I am going through I am not going through it alone. God says we will go on this journey together.

“Someday you will dance light-footed on the high peaks.” Oh how I want to be dancing light-footed on these high peaks right now! God could whisk me away in an instant to these high peaks and save me from the arduous journey to get there. But that is not His way.

I climbed a good many high pointers in my youth. Every year my family would load up our pickup camper and go on a two-week vacation. We would start by climbing the highest mountain in a different state and end at a beach or water park or something “fun.” When I was young, I remember being very vocal about how much I did not want to climb these mountains. I was especially vocal on the way down because what was the point of going down since I had already reached the summit? But the view at the top and the sense of accomplishment from completing the journey was worth it. At a young age I was beginning to understand the importance of the journey and not just the destination. The summit would not have had as much meaning to me if a helicopter had simply dropped me off at the top. Those long climbs built strength of character, resiliency, and mental fortitude, traits that have helped me in all aspects of my life. We day hiked Mount Whitney when I was around the age of 12. I remember one vacation where we climbed Long’s Peak, Mount Elbert, and Mount Massive in less than a week. I believe it was 5 days. These were tough climbs but my Dad was there every step of the way encouraging me and putting up with my complaining.

It is the same with God. He is right there every step of the way. Right now, my journey feels heavy and burdensome but I do not have to carry that weight. I need to have the faith to put the weight of my worries in God’s hands. It is funny how we as humans try so hard to do it all and control things that are completely out of our control. Yet we will stress and worry and wonder why God isn’t there to help. He is there, but we have to have the humility to put our trust in Him, to cast our burdens on Him, to trust that just because we think things need to turn out one way doesn’t mean it is The Way. We need to have the faith to go the distance, through the valleys, and up the mountains until we dance light-footed on the highest peak. We may not reach the peak in this lifetime but each day is a step closer to our heavenly summit.

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

 

July 15, 2022

Take things a day at a time. It is such simple advice but so true. God instructs us to not worry about tomorrow!

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

Sometimes when you are going through difficult seasons in your life you may see posts from people that offer encouragement or instruction on how to handle these difficulties. Even these journaling’s of mine may seem like it’s all well and good advice for me but not reality for you. I can tell you that during hard seasons I struggle each day as well.

I have days where I am able to let go of the weight of the world and its problems and give them to God and not worry about tomorrow. But I have to be intentional in doing this, it’s not something that just happens with ease every time. I’ll go to bed feeling hopeful and aligned with the Spirit, then the sun rises on a new day and the struggle resurfaces. Something may happen to bring those feelings of worry, anxiety, and hopelessness back front and center again.

But that is why God tells us not to worry about tomorrow. He knows that we are limited in how much we can take on ourselves. We are not meant to try to see the future and prepare for every possible misstep that may happen. God did not design us to be able to carry all of our possible future problems on our shoulders. He created us to be reliant on Him, to trust His plan, and have hope in that.

I don’t do this perfectly. Far from it. I have to really make a conscious effort to not let the weight of the world pull me down. Lately, I have found that writing and being alone in nature helps to center me back to God. Sometimes I have a good cry and prayer and the weight feels less heavy. During these times of struggle, when you give yourself to God and put your hope in Him, know that the problems will not simply disappear. But your ability to carry them will be lessened the more you lean on Him because you will not be carrying them alone anymore. They will not seem quite so big when looked at under the shadow of the Most High.

I still have struggles. Inside I am not all sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. I’m in a difficult season right now, but I have hope and sometimes that is all you need to get you through.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour our heart before Him, God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8)

 

July 25, 2022

Things have been busy for me. Not just busy in the going a bunch of places busy, but tiring and feeling a pull to be in a thousand different directions at once.

Right now, I feel like most, that there is never enough time in the day to get everything done. I’ve been helping Levi in the yard working on our irrigation trenches in 90-100 degree heat. We are a few weeks from moving in to our new house, so there’s always work to be done in there, I have three young kids, and we got puppies! To say I feel thoroughly spent when my head hits the pillow at night is an understatement. I know we’ll get into a better groove once we move and get settled in our new routine but for now it’s just go, go, go from one task to the next.

I keep having the reoccurring thought that when this or that happens then things will slow down and I’ll have rest. But true rest cannot be found here on earth. There will always be another task, email/notification, or deadline pulling you away from your “stress” free existence.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

“And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”” (Exodus 33:14)

During these busy seasons it’s easy to let your prayer life be neglected. I have always done a lot of my praying at night and lately have started to pray only to drift off to sleep during my prayers. My devotional or Bible reading may start being the something I cut out when I run out of time or am simply too exhausted to read. But why am I giving God my seconds? Why am I choosing to make other less important things a priority over my relationship with Jesus? I have to be very intentional of not cutting out the one thing in my life that serves as a life line during all seasons, when things are going smoothly and when going through rough waters.

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!” (1 Chronicles 16:11)

Yesterday, when I got home from working at the house, there was dinner to make, rabbit cages to clean, puppies to run around, kids to put to bed, floors to sweep, dishes to clean, you know the typical everyday chores, but after spending days working in the yard in the sweltering heat, I definitely wasn’t feeling motivated to take on any of them. But I had to so began checking off each task one by one.

Lily came outside with me to let the puppies run and play. I was ready to rush off to the next task when she asked me to just be with her. I took a deep breath and pushed the to do list out of my mind and focused on being in the moment with her.

The evening was perfect with the sun beginning to set and glorious pink clouds filling the sky. We do “Ice cream Sunday” every Sunday so I went inside and brought her an ice cream cone. We sat on the steps talking while she enjoyed her ice cream. All of my tasks still laid ahead of me but taking that moment really helped put it all in perspective. Life will always be “busy,” it’s always going to have plenty of struggles and challenges. God doesn’t want us to just race from one task to the next, becoming slaves to our to do lists.

“And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:17)

No, Christ’s death and resurrection set us free. We are no longer slaves to this world. And though this world is a far cry from the Garden of Eden God is still to be found here if we seek Him.

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

He is in the big, bold and beautiful things like a magnificent sunset or raging thunderstorm and He is in the small and simple things, like the singing of a bird. Lately, I have been able to enjoy their songs each morning at 5am as the puppies eagerly let me know it’s time to seize the day. I can’t remember the last time I was up and outside watching the sunrise and listening to the birds sing to each other. If I’m up that early, it’s usually to get ready to go somewhere, so I’m busy in the house, oblivious to the beauty of the morning. So these little puppies, though they are robbing me of precious sleep, are forcing me to wake up and start my day by just being still in the moment. The pillow is always more appealing but the morning is quite beautiful and helps me feel connected to God the Creator.

God is not only found in these beautiful moments but in all moments. I find it easier to see Him in a sunrise or the chirping of a bird when my soul is at rest but He is there during your hard times too. He can be found during grief, trials, and tragedies. No matter what you are going through God tells us if we seek Him, truly seek Him, we will find Him.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)